The Groundhog Chronicles

October 22, 2012

Humans are in the house.  Maiga looks out the window as Superstorm Sandy approaches.  A fat, happy groundhog munches on her arugula and spinach.  Blast.

Several more groundhog sightings follow.

Kevin is adamant that a groundhog can take out a garden.  He begins watching YouTube videos.  Friends compare him to Elmer Fudd.  He buys a Hav-a-heart trap.

The groundhog scoffs.  

This becomes battle royale.  Kevin catches several feral cats, squirrels, opposums, and a raccoon in the Hav-a-Heart trap.  Maiga becomes convinced that the groundhog is orchestrating this all safely from his forest den.  

Here, Maiga & Kevin's life long animal rights politics clash with their desire to eat out of the garden.  Maiga advocates meditating on the groundhog, coexisting, sharing.  Kevin claims that's all rather naive.  That they've invested too much time and effort into the garden to lose it all.  

Tensions flare.

June 2, 2013

Two nights after a skunk sprayed and knocked over the trap (do we not have a master-mind groundhog at the helm?!) Kevin finds that vanilla extract on the cage and baiting with strawberries does work.  On this historic date he catches a groundhog.  Once caged he sees that he's indeed an adorable little rodent.  Confused, he eats several coconut popsicles while taking the groundhog to woods several miles away.

June 16, 2013

Another groundhog has ravaged the peas and lettuces.  Re-baiting the trap, this time the hog is caught quickly.  Is it the same?  Is it another groundhog?  Kevin asks me to identify him as though he were in a police line-up.  Yes.  He looks like the shapeless ball of fur that has been eating our veggies.  He too goes the way of the woods.

Meanwhile, I have been conspiring with friends to advocate for our groundhog brethren.  Our designer friend, Oskar Castro, creates a groundhog image inspired by Subcommandante Marcos, spokesperson for the Zapatista movement, EZLN.

Our friend, Mike, uses this groundhog image to turn the tables on Kevin.

Accompanied by this communique:
A communique from the Groundhog Liberation Front (Mike translated from Groundhog)- 

"Welcome to the struggle of all species to be free.
The war of greed over food ravages the earth and species die out every day. GLF works to to scare the rich and greedy oppressors and to undermine the foundations of their speciesist society. For too many years we have sought to simply feed our family and have been treated as second class animals to that puffy white cat. We have to show the enemy that we are serious about defending what is sacred. Together we have teeth and claws to match our dreams. Our greatest weapons are imagination and the ability to strike when least expected. We are practically invisible. We have no command structure, no spokespersons, no office, just many small groups working separately, seeking vulnerable targets to strike back for food equality. Find your family! And let's celebrate as we make ruins of their precious garden.

You cage us, we cage you."

End communication.
You cage us, we cage you." 
End communication.


Kevin feels truly mixed up.

Luckily, it gets better.

I had these tee shirts made.

Epilogue:

Groundhogs continue to roam the woods behind our house and eat our vegetables.  On Sunday, we sighted a deer.